You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
