i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
