just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
