Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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