Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
