Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
