you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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