He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
