I think I just saw someone hide a body.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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