just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
