It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
