How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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