whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
