he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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