Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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