My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
