i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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