Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
