Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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