I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
