Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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