I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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