Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
