I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
