we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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