i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
