I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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