please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.