Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?