I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right