two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.