chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
