I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
