ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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