doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
