Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
