There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
