Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
