If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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