im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
