it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
