I can feel you judging me through the phone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
