he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
