What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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