Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
