the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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