When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kissed a someone with a penis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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