I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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