I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You're like the curious george of whores
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
