he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
