Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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