Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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