And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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