You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize