His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
