Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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