I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
