Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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