You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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