i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
