I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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